As I have said many times, medication for me was never a long-term option. I didn’t want to depend on something that I knew would only become harder to wean off the longer I continued takin it. The whole idea of something artificial, man-made didn’t sit right with me. I needed to take the “medication mask” off and to educate myself on natural alternatives and practices.
*Just a quick disclaimer- I can't stress enough that I am not a doctor, nor do I have any background education in mental health. I consulted everything I did with my doctor, and psychologist. I openly talked with my partner and mum about what I was considering and I spent hours doing my own research. It's also super important to remember that what worked for me, may not work for someone else. This is purely my story and what steps I took.
It was the second weekend, after the COVID-19 lockdown had been lifted. Nic and I had decided to spend a long weekend away down south, in Nannup. I was filled with mixed feelings. I absolutely love getaways, don’t get me wrong…who doesn’t! But I was so nervous that my anxiety would kick in. Only a few months before I had started developing severe agoraphobia.
What the heck is agoraphobia?
Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder which occurs after one or a number of panic attacks, It is fear of situations were anxiety or panic attacks could occur. The fear of helplessness. The fear of losing control in a public place. The fear of embarrassing yourself in public. For example, standing in a line or being in a crowded place, both of which I have had for years. The fear can become so overwhelming that you feel unable to leave your home.
So, for me, anytime I left home, I would have a routine. I would check myself in the mirror, walkaway, and repeat another 2 times. Why? I don’t really know, to make sure I looked right, had my clothes on? It’s kind of hard to explain I just wouldn’t feel right to leave unless I did this. I would check my bag for my medication, make sure my water bottle was filled, always visit the bathroom before I leave, check myself in the mirror once more, leave the house and as I’m walking to the car check my bag for medication and water….PHEW! I’m not going to lie, I still do some of these things, but not as extreme. From the moment I knew I needed to leave the house; my anxiety would pop up. It would be somewhat manageable if I stayed within Fremantle. My bubble I had created. I don’t know where it came from but it just started one day. The moment I knew we were outside of Freo, I would have a panic attack. For example, I freaking love Bunnings, but because it was 10 mins outside of my bubble, I’d develop panic attacks. I would expect the worst once I left home.
I was already anxious about being anxious….so of course…I was anxious!
It was a 3hr drive to Nannup. Did I feel uncomfortable? Yes. Did I have a panic attack? Yes .You see any pattern here? I was already anxious about being anxious….so of course…I was anxious! Sitting in a car with your thoughts can be pretty cruel, but as soon as we got to our cute accommodation, I forgot about it. I was excited and keen to explore and my anxiety was forgotten for a few hours. We stayed in a big beautiful house, very secluded and surrounded by pine forest. It was a shared accommodation, which we usually wouldn’t have chosen, but being the second week of eased restrictions, everyone else had the same idea, so any accommodation was scarse.
I’m a true believer in “signs” ….fate, the universe, destiny, chance…whatever you want to call it. Had we have chosen else where, I would have never had met Sandy who owned the accommodation. Sandy has this energy about her that I was drawn to immediately, I enjoyed our small conversations and before bed on the first night, I popped up to her office to ask her about her spa chalets and if there was one we could use the following night. Unfortunately, they were all taken. I noticed crystals, incense and essential oils that surrounded her loft office, all of which I use regularly myself. We immediately began talking about their healing properties, and within a few minutes I had explained to her my severe anxiety. That’s when she introduced me to “plant oil” ( uncertified hemp oil)
I had no idea that hemp oil, or CBD could be used to ease anxiety. I thought It was for those with chronic pain. That night I spent a few hours doing my own research. I even called my mum haha! I went to bed knowing that yup! I need to try this!! The next morning, I spoke to Sandy, and through someone she knew I bought my first two bottles of plant oil.
*Disclaimer! #2 All therapeutic cannabis products require a medical prescription in Australia. Therefore, buying CBD online is Illegal! Having said that, there is a very grey area about purchasing non-prescription, hemp oils. Keep in mind uncertified oils also mean that the quality and standards of manufacturing may not be consistent. Knowing where and how it is made is extremely important, as a product with no regulations associated could lead to a contaminated product. There is also no guarantee of content stated of cannabinoid. However, it is legal to buy hemp oils which contain a maximum of 75mg of CBD & 50mg of THC.....( so super dooper low in strength) it's really confusing right!!
Because of the type of antidepressant, I was on (SSRI) it was advised that I did not take the hemp oil at the same time, as interactions could occur. With the assistance of my doctor, I began the slow tapering off of medication and the transition onto hemp oil. It’s a lengthy process and going from 200mg to completely off medication took me around 3 months.
I chose to take a really slow decrease so I could introduce the hemp oil at different times. Starting with dropping to 150mg in the morning and taking .75ml of hemp oil at night. I continued this dose for 3 weeks, during that transition time, I noticed my anxiety was low and I felt comfortable in lowering my dose again. Next I went from 100mg in the morning to .5ml in the afternoon and .75ml at night. I was quite surprised how stable I felt and continued this dose for a further 3 weeks. Following those 3 weeks I dropped to 50mg and increased the hemp oil to 1ml afternoon and 1ml at night. During this tapper I began to feel more myself, I had more energy. I also had started alternate tapering days for the other medications I was taking, by the second week my sexual disfunction had returned to normal…YAY! I continued this dosage for 4 weeks. The last few weeks I was completely off the other medications and started taking 50mg sertraline every second day for 2 weeks, and upped my hemp oil to 1ml 4 times a day. It was around this time I started experiencing something called “brain zaps”
Brain zaps are electrical shock sensations in the brain. They can happen in a person who is decreasing or stopping their use of certain medications, particularly antidepressants. Brain zaps are not harmful and will not damage the brain. However, they can be bothersome, disorienting, and disruptive to sleep. Unfortunately, there is no cure for brain zaps, and they usually go away over time. Mine hung around for 2 months....I seriously thought I'd just have them forever, but slowly they stopped! Thank god!
Sure, there were times my anxiety would pop up, but hemp oil has done wonders for me and introducing the oil was only one of the many things I did and continue to do to help ease my anxiety.
A few months after being on the hemp oil, I needed more! The oils that I had got while in Nannup was almost used up. Wanting to get a more local and easier accessible oil, I went on the hunt!! I found myself deciding to try prescription CBD. It is still an all-natural product, however made under a strict and regulated environment…oh and costs a small fortune! The price I paid didn’t seem as daunting to me though. I’d pay anything for an anxiety free life.
How did I get prescription CBD?
I contacted an Australian based company, who provided a high-quality level of patient care to those who suffer from chronic conditions. I informed them I have had anxiety for around 17 years, most of which was untreated. I also informed them I had tried the prescription medication route which I didn’t like. I listed why I didn’t like the prescription medication, listed anxiety symptoms and informed them I had been using an uncertified hemp oil. Once I had filled out a detailed form, I was connected to a doctor in my area that specialises in medicinal cannabis assessment and prescribing. After a lengthy chat, he concluded that I qualified to apply and that CBD would be a good fit for me. After paying a pricey application fee, I then had to wait a few days to see if the Therapeutic Goods Administration (TGA) approved me, which they did…hallelujah! The next day I was given a small list of pharmacies that stock the CBD. I chose one and my prescription was sent to them. Within an hour I had picked up my CBD! I received regular calls from my doctor, nurses and the clinic. I cannot fault the clinic in anyway, everyone was extremely supportive and attentive. I would recommend them to anyone who was thinking of trying an alternative to prescription medication.
FWEEDOM!…..hehe!
Originally, I was prescribed two CBD products, one with THC and one without. Very quickly I found that the CBD that contained THC was not for me! It increased paranoia and anxiety. So, within a few weeks, I discontinued the CBD which contained THC.
Just so you have an idea of the price point, the CBD&THC 25ml was $150 and CBD 100mg 25ml was $300.
These doses were to last me 4-6 weeks depending on how much or little I used them. Continuing on with the straight CBD I would need 0.24ml- 0.5ml 4 times daily. My anxiety had drastically improved. Although there were times I still felt anxious, it was manageable and I was completely happy with my change over from the meds to oil. A few weeks in I started getting stomach aches. At first, I thought it was something I had eaten, but as the days went on, I thought I had developed a food intolerance. I started writing down everything I ate, and started eliminating food I thought could be causing me this discomfort. After 2 weeks of stomach aches, I called the clinic and spoke to the nurse on duty. Stomach discomfort can occur with too much oil taken. MCT, or coconut oil, is used as the carrier oil. It makes complete sense to me, as in the past too much coconut products would make me feel sick. I was recommended to drop my dose to 3 times daily and to call back if the pain persisted. Two days later, pains had stopped!
Getting back to the price point that i was happy to pay earlier? Now I was using only CBD so was paying $300 every 3-4 weeks. At what point do you make the decision that it's too costly? I would cringe every time I paid for my new bottle, but I needed the oil!! IT MADE ME SANE!
Fast forward a few months. I’m invited by a friend to a meditation circle. A beautiful safe space where not only did we do group meditation, but also learnt about self-love and breaking unwanted patterns and cycles. It was there that I met someone who was an ambassador for a company who sold certified full spectrum hemp oil, and for half the price I was currently paying. I was reluctant at first to swap straight over, I had such astonishing results with the current CBD that I didn’t want to risk my mental health going backwards if I tried another new product. After a few months, I bought a bottle from her. The $300 every few weeks was burning a hole in my wallet, I needed to find a cheaper alternative…if possible. I couldn’t believe the positive affect it had on me. With the prescription CBD I still felt some anxiety, whereas with the new hemp oil, I felt almost anxiety free. (provided I continued with my regular “self-love routines”) Without a doubt, I will say it is far more effective than the prescription CDB, I even told my doctor that when I told him I no longer needed the prescription!
I constantly read articles and try to educate myself more on this amazing and for me, life changing NATURAL product!
Still confused about CBD, THC, hemp oil and plant oil? HAHA! Yep, I still have a hard time remembering the difference at times! In a few blogs time, I’ll dive back into the “the land of green” with more info!
Thanks for reading!
Kat xo
Next blog- What exactly are my "self-love routines?" I'll let you in on my tools I use on the regular to keep my mental health on the up!
Great post Kat with so much information and advice.